saturn bloat (midwinter) wrote,
saturn bloat

at the price of sounding cliched

hey, you,
whoever you are -
never let me give up

i haven't paused for three days until now,
now and i'm trying to sew things together

it's that two-faced month again, hannah
one year later.
again, and i don't know what i can
promise you - six seperate times i just tried to make some kind of a promise and i can give you nothing
only the admission that i am more faithful to you than i am to anyone
& that if i am bound to anyone, it's you.

no i don't know where i'm going, or even where i am
and now i'm asking myself the same questions i was last may, altered slightly by new information and the changes my
[mind? shell? wall? gelatin eyes? irregular heartbeat? chemically altered state? tangled nest of hair and judgment]
has/have gone through
but i have to shut up,
i let my words become convoluted
(you do not. you have a turn of phrase that i do not

that i envy.)

#55 back from west seattle at midnight snakes along like BART, like the entrance back into the city that i've spent years dreaming about leaving for.

i spent the weekend going back and forth across this place where i've always lived
gallery openings to closing performances looking for some way to spark myself back into consciousness
and while there's one seattle that's growing up
there's the old one, that's dying
and i think i'm going to miss it.
at least, i'm going to miss the fact that i was never around long enough to know it

..i love that city.
..i love this city. what it is and what it is becoming.
but i need to leave

thought i'd never want to hear anyone but l.c. singing this, but regina made me cry.
chelsea hotel no. 2

you will grow up
and your heart will change

Trouble is, what would I do with her once I'd won her? -
it's like winning an angel in hell and you are then entitled to go
down with her to where it's worse or maybe there'll be light, some,
down there, maybe it's me crazy -
"She's going crazy," says Bull, "those goofballs'll do it to everybody,
to you, anybody I don't care who."

- Tristessa

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